“If you don't take care of yourself, eventually you won't be able to take care of anyone else.”

Does this sound like you?  You had a long day caring for others and you go home to sit on the couch, watch tv, eat some chips, and fall into bed exhausted a little late.  Then, you wake up bright and early to start it all over again with a quick jolt of coffee and some sweet breakfast? 

Caregivers are at an increased risk of heart disease, high cholesterol, stress-related anxiety disorders, depression, and decreased immune function.  Roughly 1/3 report not going to a doctor when they needed to and most report needing more sleep. 

While focusing their energies on the needs of others, caregivers sometimes run an increased risk of losing track of their own needs. When was the last time you had a check-up with your doctor or dentist or eye doctor? Lunch out with a friend? A good night's sleep?

If you're a parent, this isn't the first time you've had to reorder your priorities to accommodate the needs of another person. Chronic exhaustion and social isolation are common experiences, especially for new parents. But that's where the comparison ends. Caring for a helpless infant tends to be a much-longed-for experience that brings joy as well as exhaustion, and in any case, it is time-limited. The most beaten-down parents can look forward to the day when their children will be able to care for themselves. Caregivers for aging parents need to find their joys in other ways.

Still, the concept of caring for oneself “first” holds true for both situations, and we may find it helpful to resurrect the skills we developed for making it through the days when our kids were young. Here are some major areas to consider.

Physical Health:
You wouldn't ignore the medical needs of any person in your care, and you shouldn't ignore your own. Annual physical exams and flu shots, dental checkups every six months and a eye exam every two years, more often if you wear contact lenses – all belong on your to-do list. If your child were sick you wouldn't send her to school, and when you're sick you need to treat yourself as you would any of your loved ones. You'd be concerned if your loved one weren't eating a healthy diet, and the same goes for you. You know your child and your parent need to stay physically active as much as possible, and so do you.

Mental and Emotional Health:
When your children were young, you helped maintain your sanity by connecting with others in your situation. Playgroups weren't just for kids, they were social opportunities for parents as well. It felt good to spend time with others who shared your situation.

It may seem harder to find the caregiver's equivalent of a playgroup – but they're out there. Caregiver.com maintains a list of local support groups, and you'll probably find even more by contacting your local hospital or senior center. If you let people know what you're dealing with, you may well learn that your neighbors share your stress. It's easy to believe that your situation is unique, but most likely you're not alone. For online support, check out our SageCorner Blog and Forum.

Caregivers, like the people they care for, are at an increased risk for depression, which is more than just a blue feeling or a down day. At its worst it can rob you of joy and hope, and it most certainly will interfere with your ability to be a good caregiver. The Geriatric Mood Scale, developed to screen older adults for depression, also works as a quick assessment of how you are feeling about your life. If you score high, don't ignore it. Depression is treatable, and you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to get help.

Rules to Live By:

• Strive for eight hours of sleep every night
• Carve a piece of every day to be just yours, and do whatever you like with it
• Spend time each day in positive communication with others – in person, online, or by phone
• Break down big tasks into manageable chunks
• If you're feeling overwhelmed, ask for help
• Eat the best quality of foods you can
• Do some form of exercise daily, even if it is just a short walk
• See your doctor for regular check ups and routine tests like mamograms and cholesterol screenings

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