5 Tips for Visiting with a Person who is Dying or Critically Ill:
Categories: Senior Care, Tips and Ideas |
Posted: 7/2/2011 |
Views: 652
There is nothing more difficult than watching someone we love struggle with a devastating injury or illness. We want to offer support and be there for the person – but how do you do it gracefully or meaningfully? How do you control your own grief so as not to burden the person with your own discomfort?
These things mostly require you to remain genuine. Keep visiting and connecting – no matter how imperfectly. Here are suggestions:
- The first rule is that there are no rules. Pay attention to what the person is communicating and seems to need and let the person guide you.
- Less is More: At times like this, sometimes a brief look, touch of the hand, or a small set of genuine words communicates everything that needs to be said. The main thing to avoid is avoiding the person – either by avoiding eye contact or just talking to others in the room. Always remain present for the person you are visiting with. For controlling your own anxiety about serious moments, it can be helpful to come prepared with some basic brief things you could say. Some examples of well-chosen words:
- I am so sorry this is happening
- You are always in my thoughts
- Let’s just get through today
- How can I help you feel more comfortable?
- Doesn't have to be Serious the Whole Time: If it feels okay to talk about pleasant things – do so. This can be a needed distraction. Good news about children or babies or some genuinely funny story often can be a needed break from the pain a person is going through. Read cues and proceed slowly.
- Don't Initiate Touchy Subjects Carelessly: Don’t get into the cause of the illness, blaming, advice, family conflicts, religious views of life and death, or treatment decisions unless clearly requested by the person you are visiting. Only get into these types of discussions if it really feels like the person clearly desires your input on any of these matters – and then, tread lightly.
- Be Low-Key: Be quiet and don’t make sudden motions around critically ill people who may be quite disturbed by loud noises, etc. Try to come prepared to simply sit with a person if they are too weak or tired to speak. Holding hands at this time can be comforting for both of you – but give breaks. If a person is unresponsive, he or she may still be fully able to hear you and know what you are saying – so be careful what you say. Also, because of this, reading an article or a story may be helpful just because the person can hear your voice.
Remaining genuine, loving, and flexible - and reading the cues - may not feel perfect, but will make for a good visit that will be beneficial to both you and the person you are visiting with. Check our site for more tips on visiting and communicating with seniors facing different illnesses.